


My Magic And My Heart; It's Yours

by What_Is_Evil (I_Meet_Evil)



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Arthur Finds Out About Merlin’s Magic (Merlin), Arthur loves merlin, Bottom Merlin, Brief Violence, Hurt Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Idiots in Love, Love, M/M, Mainly angst, Merthur - Freeform, Protective Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), So brief I really shouldn't make it a tag, They deserved better, They get freaky in Merlin's hometown, Top Arthur, hunith is sick, inappropriate use of magic, merlin loves Arthur, smut in chapter 2, so many feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:00:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24001747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_Meet_Evil/pseuds/What_Is_Evil
Summary: “You lied to me.” It wasn’t a question, was barely an accusation with the lifeless way in which he said it.Merlin said nothing but could feel the harsh gaze of Arthur on him as he continued wrapping his arm."All this time…"Merlin finished the wrap and took a step back, taking in a large breath of air after realizing he hadn’t been breathing.“Why didn’t you tell me?”~~~Hunith is sick and Merlin visits Ealdor to see her. He is of course followed by a clot-pole of a prince who refuses to let him journey alone. Things happen and revelations are had: how will the prince and warlock make it through?
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 152





	My Magic And My Heart; It's Yours

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever Merlin fic and I have been wanting to post it FOREVER.
> 
> It was originally just going to be a one-shot but somehow my brain doesn't know how to write smut for them (which is weird because usually, that's all I'm good at) and so I am now splitting it up into two chapters.
> 
> Also what else do I have to do during quarantine other than writing smut? Nothing.
> 
> ~Hope you enjoy!~

Merlin was not amused by his situation.

As always, Arthur had almost been killed and it was up to Merlin to risk himself, save the dollop head of a prince, and then be verbally berated by said man for whatever ill-conceived trait has been assigned to the young warlock by that very dollop head.

It’s not as if Merlin was particularly annoyed at the names or the teasing, he had grown used to it long ago, it was that Arthur had seen it happen.

He saw the movement, the hand that Merlin had thrown out in alarm when woken up and the invisible blast that sent all the men around them soaring back through the air. He saw it happen, was awake enough to watch.

They were supposed to have gone unnoticed, two travelers of nothing going nowhere. It was supposed to be a small journey to Ealdor to visit Merlin’s mother who had fallen ill.

Merlin had shared the information while collecting laundry to clean as Arthur was going over some documents his father had tasked him with.

Merlin insisted on going alone however Arthur would hear none of it as he believed Merlin would be “immediately and thoroughly killed in the most idiotic way possible”.

Knowing he would not be able to convince the stubborn bastard otherwise, Merlin just continued his chores and nothing more was said about the topic.

It was supposed to be a simple journey, two days travel at most, and it just being the two of them meant they could move quickly and quietly without drawing the attention to themselves than they would with a party of knights.

They found a safe place to camp, thought it safe enough to start a fire since they carried no symbols of Camelot after having crossed into Cenrid’s kingdom and would be able to pass as traveling merchants.

Merlin had been exhausted. He had picked up extra chores from Gaius in an attempt to take his mind off of his mother after receiving word that she had not recovered from her sickness as he had hoped.

He had been grateful for the extra work, but between that and Arthur’s incessant tasks he had felt the tiredness in his bones before they had even set off. Arthur had actually ordered him to stop and rest or he threatened to knock Merlin out himself and force rest upon him.

The men had come quickly, from multiple angles surrounding the two. Merlin had woken to the sound of laughs and jeers, not even noticing Arthur’s body standing by him with his sword drawn when he reacted instinctually.

Merlin had quickly come up with some flimsy suggestion that one of the men who had attacked them must have tried to use magic and it backfired on him and his men.

Arthur seemed hesitant but most likely believed that over the obvious that may have been blooming in the back of his mind for some time: Merlin had magic.

He had seen the hand, but he missed the glowing eyes. Maybe Merlin put his hand up in defense when seeing the men and it coincidentally timed with the magic. It wasn’t likely, and they both knew it.

They had said nothing about it, gathering their things and quickly mounting their horses before the men could get up and attempt more harm.

Arthur had a cut on his arm, it wasn’t deep, at least that’s what Merlin had believed as they were galloping away, however as he looked over at Arthur’s arm he saw blood staining the white tunic he was wearing and felt alarmed.

“Merlin!”

Said man’s gaze snapped up to the prince’s eyes from where it had been resting on the prince’s arm.

Arthur gazed at him in a strange way, his eyes guarded in a way they hadn’t been in a long time. Merlin broke the eye contact, hating the feeling that burned in his chest.

“- I was saying we’re about an hour’s ride from Ealdor…” He trailed off, trying to make eye contact with Merlin again but Merlin only kept his eyes on the ground in front of them and nodded.

Arthur let out a deep sigh, “Are you alright?”

Merlin let out a dry laugh, “I should be asking you that sire. You’re the one who’s bleeding.”

As if he was only just reminded of it Arthur reached a hand up to his arm and grimaced at the sight of blood when he moved his fingers away. Merlin watched the movement from the corner of his eyes.

“Let’s rest for a moment, I can…”

He was interrupted, “We’ll ride on.”

Merlin turned to look at Arthur but found him now with a steely look fixed on the road ahead, fists clenched tightly on his horse’s reigns.

“But you’re…”

“I said we’ll ride on.”

Merlin’s mouth shut before more protests could come out at the stubborn demeanor of the man beside him. The man who he had risked his life for so many times and who had in return done the same for him.

Who had just discovered Merlin had magic.

Merlin wanted to groan or shout at his stupidity. He had just been so tired, so overworked and on edge after hearing about his mother’s condition. He had been startled awake and his first defense was his magic.

And in using it he had probably saved both of their lives as Arthur was wounded and tired as well from their days of traveling and the copious amounts of work being assigned to him by his father as of late.

He had mentioned it to Arthur only once and the man had immediately gotten defensive, saying it was about time he had more responsibility as the future king but Merlin could already see the toll it, and his father’s declining health, was taking on the prince.

They continued their journey in silence, but Merlin’s mind screamed at him about many different things all at once.

When they arrived at the village it was getting dark. Merlin led the way riding straight to his Mother’s small hut and quickly dismounting and entering.

When he saw his mother lying in bed, pale and sickly, he wanted to throw up. She was such a strong woman, so supportive and loving in so many ways, seeing her like this was just wrong.

The way her face brightened at the sight of him made that place in his chest tug again and he took her hand in his grip and kissed it as soon as she sighed “Merlin.”

He said nothing, just held her hand up to his face and leaned against it, her hand cold despite the sweaty appearance of her face. It was all wrong.

“Is Arthur not with you?” Merlin looked up in surprise, turning around to see that he must not have been followed in by said man.

“I guess not.” His voice cracked and he wished it wasn’t noticeable.

“Merlin” he turned his head back to face his mother, gripping her hand tighter and holding it to himself, as if he could be the tether that kept her to him, to health.

“What happened?”

He just shook his head, looking down as to avoid her eyes. “I messed up. I messed up really bad. He knows.”

Hunith knew immediately and reached out with her other hand not held by Merlin. “Oh, Merlin.”

Merlin shook his head tears finally beginning to well up. It wasn’t fair, his mother was sick, he was losing her, and he had probably lost Arthur too.

“The worst part is -” Merlin took a couple watery breaths, trying to control himself. His mother didn’t need to see him like this, not when she was the one who needed caring for, not him. “-I didn’t even get to tell him myself. He saw, he saw and I tried to lie but…he knows and he had to find out that way.”

He shook his head again, the tears free falling now, and just held his mother’s hand tighter.

“Oh Merlin, it’s going to be ok.” Merlin just looked at her at let out a harsh breath. “How can you say that? I should be saying that to you.”

Hunith just smiled. The hand that had been resting on Merlin’s cheek moving up to brush some hair out of his face. “Our fate has been written already. You two are inseparable, he may be upset now but he’ll come around.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Oh but I do.” She let out a laugh at Merlin’s petulant face, but it soon turned into a cough. He had been such an adult lately, so strong and capable, seeing his expression made her think of him as a child. Free and powerful and wonderful.

“As for me, I’ve lived a long life.” Merlin opened his mouth to protest and she silenced him. “I’ve seen you grow up, seen you mature into the fine young man you are today. If it is my time, then I can go knowing I made it worthwhile, for that reason alone.”

Merlin’s eyes stung, more tears clawing their way out, his throat felt scratched up as if he had been poisoned and couldn’t breathe. “Don’t say things like that.”

“Everything is going to be fine.”

She squeezed his hand and looked at him, really looked at his face, his eyes, his expression, his tears, but she wiped those away. “Yeah, everything is going to be fine.”

She patted his arm, her own eyes burning now. “Let your mother sleep, I grow weary as night presses on.”

Merlin nodded, leaning forward and kissing her forehead before walking over to the door, standing there to look at his mother lying in the bed for a few moments longer before leaving.

It was much darker then than it had been before.

He took a step outside the door and breathed in deeply, wiping his eyes and clearing his throat when he saw Arthur leaning against the side the building.

“Why didn’t you come in?”

Arthur wasn’t looking at him, his eyes closed and not moving, he almost appeared as if he were asleep, if not for the fact that he was standing. Maybe he could sleep standing like a horse. Merlin internally snorted at that.

“I thought you might want some time spent alone with her.”

Merlin let out a breath that came out too much like a sob before taking a shaky breath back in to stop any more sound from coming out. Arthur looked at him then and Merlin managed a stiff nod.

He was angry, Merlin could see that much from his closed-off stance and his blank expression. Merlin also knew that in this state he probably refused any help offered to him so his arm still needed tending too.

“Come here.” Arthur looked at him with that blank look, cocking a brow as if to dare him to order him to do anything. His stubbornness was really something and Merlin knew he was mad, knew he had the right to be, and still had to resist the urge to roll his eyes at the behavior.

“Let me bandage you up.”

The glare he received at that made him flinch. “I can bandage myself.”

“Then why haven’t you?”

Arthur looked away from him, arms still crossed, and pushed off of where he was leaning against the wall.

“Come on, I’ll show you where the supplies are at least.”

Merlin started to walk in the direction of the medic’s hut, grabbing the sack Gaius had packed with some basic ointments in case something happened on his way. At first, he heard nothing, but then the reluctant footsteps started to sound following a decent distance behind.

He led Arthur inside once they reached it, Arthur having caught up more to Merlin on the way over, after knocking and hearing nothing.

Arthur sat down in a chair and grimaced at the harshness of his movements that jostled his arm. Merlin tsked his attitude, muttering under his breath, and just received a cold look from Arthur in return.

Merlin lit an oil lantern with thankful ease, though his hands shook.

He gathered the supplies he needed, along with a canteen of water from his pack and soaked a piece of cloth in it, looking up and staring pointedly at Arthur’s shirt, the wound too high up on his arm to just push the material up.

Arthur said nothing, no jibes or comments about Merlin’s insolence or annoying expression, just that same blank but cold stare as he pulled his shirt off.

Despite his comment before, Arthur did nothing as Merlin came closer with the cloth, dabbing slightly at the wound, Arthur flinching from his touch before he even made contact and Merlin knew it wasn’t because of the pain.

He didn’t want Merlin to touch him.

Merlin swallowed down a lump in his throat, feeling as if he were about to see his dinner from before he took that cursed nap.

He pressed on, cleaning the wound before moving onto Gaius’s ointment and slathering it on the gash which was considerably less scary with all the blood gone. He began to wrap it with more cloth as Arthur started speaking.

“You lied to me.” It wasn’t a question, was barely an accusation with the lifeless way in which he said it.

Merlin said nothing but could feel the harsh gaze of Arthur on him as he continued wrapping his arm.

“All this time…”

Merlin finished the wrap and took a step back, taking in a large breath of air after realizing he hadn’t been breathing.

It was warm in the hut from the temperature outside, but Merlin just felt cold. Arthur was still staring at him, not moving, and Merlin took another hesitant step back, practically collapsing in a chair across from Arthur when it hit his leg and finally braving a look at the man’s face.

Arthur still seemed angry, was too distant, too cold in his demeanor but there was a vulnerability to his eyes, some emotion too raw for them to ever mention out loud but felt all the same.

Merlin was expecting the ridicule to come, didn’t want to hear all of the harsh words, and sit there helpless as his nightmares come true. Merlin didn’t want to live with the disgust Arthur felt for him, but most of all he didn’t want to lose him.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Arthur’s eyes bore into Merlin, his hands clasped in front of him as if he were talking to a child.

Merlin met Arthur’s stare with one of his own, though he wanted to look away and run from this conversation, go back to his mother’s side and hold her hand as she slept, but he knew he had to face this…whatever this was about to become head-on.

“Do you think I could have?”

Arthur didn’t like that, his nostrils flared and he looked ready to murder someone, maybe Merlin, before the raven-haired boy spoke up.

“I wanted to. You have no idea how much I wanted to tell you, or how many times you almost found out. It was just…”

Merlin didn’t know how to put everything into words. All the times he had saved their lives, all the things he’s done and had to accomplish behind Arthur’s back, without Arthur knowing, it was just too much.

No matter how many times he had imagined, or dreaded this conversation, it seems only fitting that now as it actually happened Merlin was left without the words to convey it all.

“I’m so sorry Arthur.”

It wasn’t an explanation, though from Arthur’s face merlin wasn’t sure if he could give him any explanation that would make a difference.

“Everything that we’ve been through…that’s not a good enough answer.” Arthur seemed upset again, his emotions filtering from betrayed to hurt to angry only to start the beginning again.

“I’m asking why. You’re a fucking sorcerer, and all this time I’ve thought you were a clumsy dimwit who could never take his head out of his arse”.

Merlin felt a smile creep onto his face at the man’s words.

“Was that all lies too?” The smile drooped slightly before Merlin forced it back.

“No that’s just part of my charm.”

Arthur’s mouth twitched as if he were fighting a smile, but it could have just been a trick of the light, Arthur looking away from Merlin to move his arm, barely grimacing at the pain before standing up and looking down at the newly discovered warlock.

Merlin was all at once struck by how much Arthur has changed. He stood tall and powerfully, his muscular frame more intimidating in the moonlight filtering in from a window, and the bandages on his arm emphasizing that power, the resilience in the prince.

His blonde hair looked darker from the shadows and his blue eyes seemed dark too, from seeing too much and being responsible for too much. Arthur had been through so many trials, all the betrayal, all the hurt, and loss. He was so different from that arrogant prat Merlin had met when he first came to Camelot.

Stronger. Both in mind, body, and heart.

He was going to be king, and the finest king Camelot and any kingdom had ever seen. Merlin just wished Arthur could understand how deeply he felt for…

“Are you just going to sit there staring or are you going to go get some rest?”

Arthur had mirth in his eyes like some joke was in his head and he resented the humor he found in it.

“You’re not…” Merlin didn’t finish his sentence, didn’t even know what he was asking.

“Angry? Betrayed? Hurt? Very much so yes.” Arthur closed his eyes and took a steadying breath. “For some reason, I still trust you Merlin. After everything, and after today when you…”

Arthur pursed his lips slightly, either holding something back or trying to force words that wouldn’t come, Merlin wasn’t sure.

“That wasn’t the first time you’ve done something like that was it?”

Merlin said nothing, glancing down in avoidance of eye contact but his silence spoke loud enough.

Arthur shook his head, “I thought as much.”

Merlin watched as the other man took a few steadying breaths, both of them silent for a moment in this empty hut, all the way in Merlin’s childhood village.

“Guess I didn’t need to come after all.” There was a dryness to the comment, a something that Merlin didn’t like one bit, and liked even less coming from Arthur.

“I’m glad you did.” Merlin stood then, rising up to about the same height as Arthur, but still feeling so much smaller in comparison. He hesitated for a moment before reaching out to touch Arthur’s shoulder.

Arthur didn’t flinch that time, and Merlin let out a mental sigh in relief. “Arthur I just want you to know, I - my magic is for you. I use it to protect you, to protect Camelot. I know I should have told you.” Merlin paused momentarily, “…a long time ago, but I didn’t want to put you in a position where you had to make a decision between me and your father.”

Merlin slid his hand from Arthur’s shoulder to the back of his neck, gripping it loosely but trying to put as much meaning in his next words as he could.

“I…I care about you Arthur…very much. It’s my destiny to stand by you as you become the greatest king Camelot has ever seen. I wouldn’t trade that for anything.”

Arthur’s eyes moved quickly as he searched Merlin’s face for any insincerity, any indication he was lying and was about to laugh and push him away, disgusted that Arthur would think that could ever be true.

But Merlin stayed where he was, his eyes open to so many emotions and still slightly glossy from how he’d been crying earlier.

Arthur knew not all magic was bad. He had seen it in how it healed and protected. Even if he hadn’t been aware of all the times Merlin had used his magic to protect him, he could only imagine. All of the lucky things that happened when Merlin was around, it made so much <sense>, but was never something Arthur allowed himself to think about too deeply.

Uther was stuck in old ways, too harsh and refusing to change his mind for anything. Arthur would put an end to that as soon as he was king. He made a promise to himself in that very moment that he would change things, he would right the wrongs of his father and he would do it all with Merlin by his side.

Merlin had grown nervous the longer Arthur continued to stare at him. There was so much emotion in his gaze that Merlin wasn’t sure what was good or bad anymore and his grip on the back of Arthur’s neck began to weaken as his uncertainty grew.

His retreating hand was stopped by one of Arthur’s, the calloused hands of a swordsman enveloping Merlin’s in warmth before he began to move.

Merlin watched as Arthur’s face drew closer, so close their foreheads touched and Merlin closed his eyes at the contact. There was no doubting that’s for sure, Merlin and Arthur shared a bond like no other.

It felt as though the silence of the night outside would swallow them whole, this moment so intimate in how they leaned against each other.

Merlin could only let the oppressive silence linger for so long.

“Arthur…I…”

He stopped himself, not sure what to do. Repeated apologies only held meaning the first time, anything after just dead air from empty words.

“I care for you too Merlin.”

That wasn’t what Merlin had expected to hear.

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, perhaps nothing as cruel as he had once dreaded or as empty and cold as what would be understandable. Maybe a joke at Merlin’s expense, some dry-witted jab showing a hidden affection they both knew resided in his insults.

Nothing, in no reality, was ever there an expectance of Arthur declaring any kind of affection for the boy. Especially now, that Merlin’s most closely held secret had been revealed.

Maybe Merlin had hoped, somewhere deep down that his affections were returned, that Arthur held him in a higher regard, something that went beyond a befriended servant, beyond that of a trusted ally though Merlin was ready to accept that position for the rest of his life.

Merlin hardly allowed himself the admittance. Some things were too powerful, too raw to be said aloud and he had stuck by that until now. When his relationship with Arthur would surely be tested, he had voiced his affections, though in a much muted way compared to how he truly felt them.

And Arthur had, without a joking comment or roll of the eyes, expressed a similar devotion.

Then a moment passed and Arthur rolled his eyes…perhaps Merlin had spoken too soon.

“Don’t just stare at me like some sort of dolt.” Merlin blinked at him silently.

“Just waiting for you to finish the joke sire.”

Arthur had yet to drop his hand, the warmth brought by his touch seemed to be slowly spreading up Merlin’s arm, and Merlin feared if he moved too quickly or spoke too much it would be swiftly removed.

He had learned in all his time as Arthur’s servant to enjoy the little things.

Arthur’s expression became pinched after that. He moved his hand down, Merlin’s hand still entrapped inside, Merlin didn’t look down at their hands, though a part of him wanted to. He said nothing, simply watching the strange micro-expressions passing over Arthur’s face.

Eyebrows drawing forward ever so slightly, a twitch of his mouth in no particular direction, tiny things that would surely be missed if Merlin hadn’t known the future king so well.

“Merlin…”

As soon as the words were spoken the light blew out, wrapping the two men in darkness. Merlin could only make out the outlines of Arthur’s face aglow from the moon.

He felt a bit bad, not knowing what to do or say in this situation. It had never progressed like this, the most physical affection ever shown to him by Arthur was a hand on his shoulder or the rare hug after Merlin had almost died.

Never had Merlin been touched so softly by Arthur, he felt almost cherished though that thought was laughable and he was at a loss of words himself so he simply squeezed Arthur’s hand and when the prince’s head snapped up at that, Merlin gave him a small but genuine smile that was hopefully visible in the darkness and comforting in some way.

It had its desired effect as the shadows of Arthur’s furrowed brows relaxed and Merlin found himself pulled into a hug.

The night was so still.

Merlin found himself stiff in the embrace, Arthur’s arms encircled around him tightly and Merlin let the shock of everything, the warmth of Arthur’s body and the sweetness of the gesture relax him before he returned the embrace just as tightly.

Arthur let out a sigh, so soft it would not have been heard if not for the emptiness of night.

“You mean a lot to me Merlin, I’m…you’re a good man. You should have told me, a long time ago, but...I think I understand why you kept it to yourself.” Arthur’s breath tickled Merlin’s neck as he spoke, and the slight waver in the prince’s voice pulled an emotion so strong from Merlin he felt his magic respond and tingle beneath his skin.

Arthur swallowed and continued on. “You’re incredibly strong and brave, one of the bravest men I’ve ever known, and I’m…I would be honored to have you by my side when I’m king.”

Merlin’s eyes shut and his arms tightened.

“Arthur” he whispered, suddenly it didn’t seem so quiet. His blood roared through his body, pooling in his face and ears and making his heart thump wildly. Merlin didn’t think it possible to hold Arthur tighter and said man’s whispered name seemed to evoke something in the prince, as well as Merlin, who felt himself get pulled more, their bodies pressed closer than they ever had been before.

He didn’t want to, but all good things eventually come to an end, and they eventually had to part.

They pulled away, albeit reluctantly, Merlin only moving so far back before being stopped by one of Arthur’s hands at the back of his head, the other resting at the small of his back, and once again Merlin had the strange feeling of being cherished by the other man, staring in the darkness at his shadowed features.

“I wish I could see you.” Arthur’s voice held the same emotion that pulled at Merlin’s magic and he immediately let the surge of it flow through him, eyes flashing and Arthur’s eyes widening ever so slightly at the sight.

The oil lamp relit, as well a few candles by the door and another lamp across the room, erupting the space in a hazy light.

Arthur said nothing, simply staring at Merlin in awe. For the first time, Merlin felt sheepish about his magic. Embarrassed slightly at the eagerness in which he fulfilled Arthur’s wish, but there was a feeling of liberation in being able to use it so freely in front of him after keeping it hidden for so long.

Merlin couldn’t help the smile that split onto his face.

At that, Arthur’s eyes dropped to Merlin’s mouth and he could see a reflection of his own desires in the prince’s eyes.

Merlin lifted his arms that had fallen to Arthur’s shoulder’s up to cup the back of his neck, one of them tracing the bandage on the upper part of his arm. He looked back up at Arthur after glancing at the covered wound and saw the prince staring into his eyes.

When they made eye contact it’s like the last restraint crumpled, a spark of something flashed that had nothing to do with the warlock’s magic.

And they both surged forwards.

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter two coming soon!


End file.
